


The taste of love (after a downpour)

by sunshine_kitcat (moonkevin)



Series: The story of my life (told in the tune of yours) [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Im tired, M/M, Metaphors, but there’s no fics in this ship tag and I’m severely disappointed so yeah here I am, i was told this is art, its vague, kind of, listen, poetry style, this was a spur of the moment thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 22:30:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20161162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonkevin/pseuds/sunshine_kitcat
Summary: Love, according to Mark, is the look in his eyes when he sees all of heaven in front of him every morning. Every strand of hair is a beautiful galaxy, and Xiaojun’s relaxed features holds this hectic universe down for a little while. Every soft breath that is shared creates worlds between whispers. Every fluttering feeling in Mark’s heart creates life as the universe knows it.





	The taste of love (after a downpour)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Speedy_18](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Speedy_18/gifts).

> Inspired by Twice’s What is love?

_What is love?_

Love, according to google, is the intense feeling of affection one has for another person.

Love, according to Mark, is the look in his eyes when he sees all of heaven in front of him every morning. Every strand of hair is a beautiful galaxy, and Xiaojun’s relaxed features holds this hectic universe down for a little while. Every soft breath that is shared creates worlds between whispers. Every fluttering feeling in Mark’s heart creates life as the universe knows it. 

Love, is all of this, and more.

_Every day, I felt love only in the movies_  
Or in books or dramas  
Mmm, that’s how I learned love 

There used to be a time, where love’s strong pull completely ignored Mark. Or maybe, it’s the other way around. There used to be a time, where winter was all his heart knew, never being able to fully taste spring. Xiaojun held his hand through life, waited for snowstorms and chased away the snowflakes. Xiaojun built fires for him when the world got too cold, and pulled him under 5 feet of snow whenever the world moved too fast. Movies and dramas tell him to keep the other boy, but Mark is too lost in chasing spring, he never noticed it was right in front of him. Books tells him of valiant love, intense love and all true different types of love. And yet, it never mentioned this kind of love.

Pure, unadulterated love.

_My heart kept racing as if it was my story_  
My heart was pounding and fluttering  
Mmm, I’m so curious, I’m going crazy 

Despite all of his efforts and attempts, love always seems to bless those around Mark. It made the sun rise in the middle of twilight, and yet it pulled Mark down further into the dark. The boy spent 6 years in the dark. The boy spent 6 years waiting for the morning to come. The boy spent six years for a light.

And it came, at age 21 under the world’s sympathetic tears for Mark. 

It came, like groundhogs to the world above. It always knows when winter will end, predicting the cold sting disappearing and humid kisses appearing, and yet.

And yet it decided Mark would have to wait longer.

Maybe, it was Mark who made that choice all along.

_Ooh, some day  
Will these things happen to me too?_

The world moved at super speed all his life, but the slow stop it made the moment Mark saw the primroses. Everlasting love. Everlasting life. Even in winter, the flowers never wilt. It told Mark to let winter pass, and that it’ll wait for whenever he was ready for the spring rain fall. So Mark let himself fall. He let the flower’s scent overflow and take over him, absorbing itself into his every thought and waking moment. He let himself be overwhelmed, and perfectly underwhelmed. It wasn’t hard, it wasn’t easy. 

It was perfect.

Xiaojun is perfect.

_When will that be? Who will it be?_

He wanted to think the story will end in April. After all, that is when the cherry blossoms bloom. But maybe it was best that Spring stayed a flood. The first breeze of spring created hope, but the primroses wilted too quickly. Soon, daffodils populated Mark’s heart. Unrequited love. Flooding spring. The sight of every single flower petal falling with another, while he stayed stuck between branches. A lifetime of sadness, as his primroses slipped away.

Xiaojun became too painful to see soon enough.

But Mark could never let go.

_I wanna know, they say it’s sweet like candy_

The sweet chocolate of Easter stays stuck in his teeth for the longest time. The rush of sudden joy whenever he found an egg, only for it to disappear as it travels down his throat. He cries, asking himself what went wrong and why he couldn’t make the eggs last. The answer stayed clogged in his throat, like all the words he wanted to say to his eggs. The words could only ever unclog for one. But that one was long gone.

It slipped through his fingers like light.

And suddenly, Mark’s back in the thunderstorms.

_I wanna know, they say it feels like flying_  
I wanna know know know know  
What is love? What does love feel like? 

Calm, blue days under the blossoming Sakuras are rare. Fragility, life, opportunities race past his eyes, and yet Mark can only ever see he primroses. Everlasting. But fleeting. He thinks that primroses and cherry blossoms are a deadly combination. The spring breeze blows them all away, and Mark finally sees past the mask. 

Love wasn’t beautiful. Love isn’t flying or freeing.

Love is worthless.

Because everything that goes up, must go down.

_I wanna know, they say you smile all day_

As Mark resented love, the spring floods roared on. The overwhelmingly painful feeling of exhaustion and sadness lulls him to sleep every night, and the storm’s screeching winds howls him awake every morning. But it’s okay. Mark can take the heartbreak. He can take seeing his primrose bloom for others, even if it means going back into eternal darkness. He can smile and cry at the same time, because it means the others won’t miss him when he leaves.

Xiaojun was worth anything.

Xiaojun was worth everything.

_I wanna know, they say the world becomes beautiful_  
I wanna know know know know  
What is love? Will this kind of love come to me too? 

Soon enough, all that the world has left for Mark is pity. The night owls, crickets and bats try to drown out the storm for Mark, but the memory of morning cicadas fade away with every second. The fallen flower petals try to gather themselves up for Mark, but the memory of white primroses clawed at his heart. The moonlight tries to purify his negative thoughts, create meaning for him and urges him to find the morning, but souvenirs of yesterday wrecks his body to no end. The world is beautiful. It always is. Always there for Mark. Always there like the primroses.

But all flowers get picked eventually.

_What part of the world do they live in?  
When will I get to meet them?_

Somehow, morning comes anyways. Mark expects it, knowing that the morning will come anyways. He expected pain, but for his body to be so numb the pain won’t matter. He expected to see flowers wilt around him, weeping through his sadness.

He does not expect morning to come crying into his arms.

The soft flickering sunrise he expected vanished in an instance, and blazing desert sun tears through him instead. It’s midsummer now, and the morning tears tugs at his heart in deafening pain. His morning was hurting. His primrose had wilted. His everything was crying, so Mark swore to destroy all of the unhappiness.

_I don’t know when or how we will meet  
But I wonder how it will feel like_

He braved the desert alone, leaving Xiaojun in an oasis while he finds the sand dunes that had buried the primroses. His night isn’t supposed to know a thing, yet they came with him anyways. They find the sand dunes that had buried and suffocated his primrose, and Mark scorched the Earth that day. The anger was howling as he fought tooth to nail. The dunes were destroyed after the sun deemed his point right. Months are spent in pure anger, but mornings in the oasis makes it all worth it. Mark would brave a thousand tundras, fight thousands of shifting sandscapes and rip apart the world. If his morning stayed with him.

If his morning became truly his.

_I think it’ll be really nice  
Better than the movies or dramas_

The second fall comes, the summer heat dulls. Falling leaves clouds his every thought, trying to make him doubt his every action. Cold breezes signals that winter will come soon, if he cannot find a home to stay with. If his heart couldn’t find love, then Mark was doomed for a lifetime of frozen tears. A warm fire was all he needed. It was all he wanted.

The world held its breath the day Mark gathered enough firewood.

_Love will come, my predictions are always right  
Hurry and come, I’m always ready!_

Sparks are flying, every one of them reigniting that fire that raged on in his heart for so long. For so long, his fire was always dim. He was never the type to burn bright. Never the one to stand out, or the one to huddle with in cold winter nights. His campfire burned low and shy, but he knows it needs to burn like a wildfire tonight. They were too silent. Too shy. Not forwards, not enough and not sufficient. The night helped Mark, lending firewood and fuel, helping guide him to build a fire. A fire to attract a firefly.

A light, in the middle of the cold night.

It’s been too long since the night felt like home.

It’s time to change that.

_(Where is he?) I’ll find them_  
(Where is he?) I miss them so much  
I don’t think I can stand it anymore 

The moment the fire is lit, a thousand fireflies swarms towards it. The campfire rages on, swatting away unwanted attention and love. Everyone wanted to see what the new flame was. Everyone wanted to feel it. But fireflies are selfish creatures. They take the flame with them, a little bit of Mark away every time one tries to get close. But the one he wants comes the closest. Mark welcomes it with open arms, and lets the memories fold back in.

It’s time.

_They say it’s sweet like candy_  
They say it feels like flying  
I wanna know know know know  
What is love? What does love feel like? 

The rain pours overhead like it did on the first day. The breeze stung against Mark’s cheek like the first spring. The warm and bittersweet burns like summer fights. And Xiaojun’s eyes hugs him like fallen leaves. Nowhere. Everywhere. Too many memories. Too little memories. Not enough room for more. Alone in the vast empty space. Bitter. Sweet.

Mark takes a step forwards. Xiaojun doesn’t move. He only waits, smile coy on his lips and eyes glossy with hope. Sadness. Joy. Anger. Forgiveness. Regret. Hope. 

Mark takes another step.

_They say you smile all day_  
They say the world becomes beautiful  
I wanna know know know knowWhat is love? Will this kind of love come to me too? 

The world is silent. Beautiful rain drops meets teardrops as Mark takes another step. Xiaojun finally moves towards him too. A smile blossom across his face, chest overflowing with emotions as he breaks into a run. The wind howls in his ears, like chants and encouragement for his every step. Rain drops blankets him to hide the ugly world outside. Maybe, the world will look a little brighter after this storm. The though of later surprises Mark. He’s never been able to look ahead. Pain always filled his every waking moment. 

Maybe Xiaojun was the answer all along. It felt so right, the moment they collided with each other.

Nausea. Energy. Fear. Courage. Joy. Pain. Remorse. Bliss.

Maybe his primrose has finally grown back. It felt so right, having Xiaojun in his arms. Tears runs down their cheeks, but all of the choked sobs are swallowed the moment their lips met.

Envy. Sacrifice. Sympathy. Empathy. Guilt. Relief. Heartbreak—

Maybe.

It’s love.

_What is Love?_

The feeling of having Xiaojun in his arms. The feeling of bliss in his heart as he hears silent breaths. The feeling of tears on his cheeks being kissed away. The feeling of pure joy.

The feeling of Xiaojun.

_I wanna know._

What is love.

_I wanted to know._

What it feels like.

_ I now know._

The pain that comes with every love.

_I’ll always know._

The taste of love after a downpour.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: the 99-00 line fic fest mood boards actually inspired me into writing this one, so go thank them!!! 
> 
> Also thanks to my Beta Bitter for pushing me into writing this fic and my 00ff gc for giving me an opinion when Bitter went to bed lol
> 
> Problems with writing at 2 am.
> 
> For now, this has been your host, Mango Cat, so go follow on twt @/writer_tears for updates on future projects.
> 
> I’m a smart baby I swear.


End file.
